


Like a Romance Novel

by Rawrpeep



Category: The Legend of Zelda: Skyward Sword
Genre: Crack, M/M, Mute Link (Legend of Zelda), just ridiculous, mutual sexual attraction, not really shippy, romance novels
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-04
Updated: 2019-12-04
Packaged: 2021-02-26 03:55:39
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,761
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21667048
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Rawrpeep/pseuds/Rawrpeep
Summary: Link is disappointed with Zelda's stash of smutty romance novels, so he decides to write his own.  The hardest part is finding the right inspiration, but in the final chamber of Skyview Temple, inspiration finds him.
Relationships: Ghirahim/Link (Legend of Zelda)
Comments: 3
Kudos: 76





	Like a Romance Novel

**Author's Note:**

> Hi! I haven't written fanfiction in at least seven years, and I've only been reading in this fandom for literally a week. So, uh. Apologies in advance if I butchered this, and please go easy on me if it's no good. This idea popped into my head while I was at work and wouldn't leave me alone until I wrote it.
> 
> This whole story is ridiculous, but I hope you enjoy!

Link stumbled into the final chamber of the Skyview Temple after spending far too long trying to fit that strange carving key into the lock on its huge double doors. All he really wanted to do was take a break, rest for an hour or so, and continue on. He’d fought past aggressive man-eating plants, massive spiders, a sword-wielding skeleton, some type of undead _thing_ with three heads, and countless bokoblins; he’d climbed more than enough ivy and dealt with enough swinging and tightrope-like vines to last a lifetime. Was an hour to rest his muscles, and maybe read a book, too much to ask for?

Much to his relief, the room was empty, save for the faintly glowing golden door across from him. Link double-checked the dowsing of his sword, the metal warming under his touch and vibrating lightly. He didn’t need Fi to pop out and tell him that Zelda was beyond the door; he could feel it in his gut and in the sword he held. Too bad the door wouldn’t budge when he approached it. He blew out a long breath and let himself slide down the wall, onto the leaf-patterned floor. With nothing to do but wait, the young hero decided to read to pass the time.

The blond knight-in-training only had one book on his person: a ridiculous romance novel called “The Wind Beneath my Loftwing” and it was just _awful._ It was something he’d borrowed from Zelda’s “secret” stash at the academy, and he only held onto it because it was the only one he could find in the entirety of Skyloft starring two men. Truly a tragedy, but the sex scenes were at least decent enough for a laugh or two. He flipped to his bookmarked page, nearly at the end, and began to read.

_“Oh Grackle, I knew from the moment our loftwings preened each other that we were meant to be!”  
“I did, too, Humm. Now let’s fly them to the top of the waterfall and make love.”  
“You’re so romantic, Grackle. I love you.”  
“I love you too, Humm.”_

Link snorted. He was certain he could write something much better if he had the right inspiration.

_And the two lovebirds flew into the sunset atop their loftwings, landing on top of the waterfall. They tenderly touched each other and made love until the sun began to peek over the clouds.  
The end._

Oh, he could _definitely_ do better than _that_ steaming pile of remlit shit. With a sigh, he flipped back to the first page of the novel, preparing a small journal and a quill pen to take notes on what _not_ to put into his own story, whenever he got around to writing it.

\---

Ghirahim had been shadowing the little hero since he’d first set foot on the Surface, on _his_ domain. Watching the novice of a knight take down his pathetic forces was infuriating to the demon, but seeing him struggle against the numbers, taking periodic rests to tend to his bloodied cuts and dark bruises, was delectable. Oh, how he’d _love_ to make the boy scream out in pain, slice him to ribbons, taste the delicious flavor of his blood and tears… The idea was almost enough for him to break his cover and reveal himself too early, but he forced himself to stay hidden and wait.

After many hours, many _frustrating_ hours, the petite blond _finally_ emerged into the final chamber. The demon lord continued to watch, reluctantly figuring a few more minutes of waiting wouldn’t hurt, as the boy walked the perimeter of the room. The little human glanced at his sword, then at the door, which rejected him upon reaching his hand out. He released a sigh and leaned against the wall, sliding down to sit on the floor. The foolish boy thought he was safe here, and hadn’t so much as glanced toward the ceiling where his enemy was hidden. So naive.

Ghirahim shifted to snap his fingers, pausing before the motion was complete, only to see the boy pull out a book and start reading. He was astounded by the simple action. Did the boy have _no_ sense of self-preservation?! Molding the child of the skies into a sobbing and bloodied heap at his feet could be easier than the demon had expected. He finished his snap and appeared on the opposite side of the room from the boy, who didn’t seem to notice the presence. Instead, the boy seemed to roll his eyes and scowl as he finished the book, reaching into one of his pouches and producing a pad of paper with a quill and inkwell. The blond sighed and flipped to the first page of the book, scribbling things down in the notepad every now and then.

Was he doing… _schoolwork?_

The _nerve_ of that boy! Scratching ink into parchment and reading instead of acknowledging the embodiment of _beauty_ and _perfection_ standing before him! The demon lord decided he would teach the infuriating child a lesson. _No one_ ignored _him,_ Lord Ghirahim, without serious consequence. Striding forward, confidence and cold fury radiating from his body, the demon made his presence known.

“Child of the skies, _you_ of all people should know the danger of not paying attention to your surroundings. What a poor knight you make.” The blond startled hard at the sudden voice, spilling ink all over himself. The demon simply raised a perfect eyebrow and continued to speak.

“There is a stranger before you that you failed to detect before. You haven’t a clue if I am friend or foe, harmless or deadly. What are you waiting for?”

\---

Link nearly yelped in alarm when he realized that he was not, in fact, alone in the chamber. He scrambled to his feet and prepared himself for a fight, gripping his sword and holding up his shield. After a brief moment of consideration, he used his foot to nudge the novel and notes out of the way, silently mourning the loss of an entire jar of ink and the stain it left on his tunic. It weighed on his mind for all of two seconds before he got a good look at the intruder.

_Hylia above,_ this man was attractive. Exotic. None of the men up on Skyloft looked like that, and Link was enthralled. He didn’t bother to hide the way he looked the pale man up and down, and he was certain the other had noticed. The fact that the stranger’s outfit left absolutely nothing to the imagination didn’t help.

Link thought he may have found his inspiration. How could he _not_ write about the chiseled Adonis before him? (Link wasn’t sure what an Adonis was, but from the context he’d seen in those books, he assumed it was just a name for a ridiculously attractive man.) Deep eyes, a perfect body, confidence in spades, a sense of danger… Everything a lead in a _good_ romance novel should be. Unfortunately, he lacked experience with the most important thing for a smutty novel.

A sex life.

Link internally sighed. He was plenty courageous, but he wasn’t about to ask a stranger, who was essentially from another world, to fuck him within moments of meeting him, tempting as it was. He decided to play along with whatever the pale man was saying and hope for the right moment, or offer, to present itself. And if playing along meant he had to treat the other as a threat and attack him, then so be it.

\---

Oh, those _eyes._ The demon had been unable to see them before, but there they were, looking him up and down, curiosity, caution, and consideration swirling within their depths, blue enough to make Faron’s scales seem a dull gray in comparison. Oh, how he’d _love_ to see the light of naivety and innocence fade from them by his hand. Why, the thought itself was enough to fill his heart with rainbows! The demon gracefully danced out of the way when the boy attempted to strike him and tutted.

“Tsk tsk. That was rude of you, Skychild,” he chastised, “if you wish to duel me, you should at least introduce yourself. It is only the polite thing to do. Or did that school of yours neglect to teach you proper etiquette?” The boy looked ready to object, so the demon narrowed his eyes and raised his hand. “Don’t be that way, boy, you were the first to attack, so you will be the first to introduce yourself.” He watched the boy huff and sheathe his sword. Strange. The blond gestured with his free hand, but didn’t speak a word.

Ah.

The boy was mute.

The demon hadn’t been expecting something like that. He was fortunate that in his centuries of existence, he’d learned sign language. It came in handy at times when his forces were too idiotic to understand verbal commands. It helped here, too, though it took a moment for him to recall what the gestures meant.

_Link._

A strange name for a boy of the skies.

“Link,” the demon clicked his tongue on the k, “very well then. I am the Demon Lord that presides over this land you look down upon, this world you call the surface. You may call me Ghirahim. In truth, I very much prefer to be indulged with my full title: _Lord_ Ghirahim. But I’m not fussy.” A bit of a lie, but the boy had no need to know that. He raised his blade, staring at the petite human with narrowed eyes.

“You offended me, Skychild, by refusing to acknowledge my presence before. What do you have to say for yourself?” The boy quickly removed his shield from his arm to sign more easily.

_I was reading._

“I could see that,” Ghirahim haughtily sniffed a little, “what kind of book could be so _engaging_ that you’d ignore someone as fabulous as me to read it?” The demon threw his cape off in a flourish at the word _fabulous,_ magically snapping it away in a cloud of black diamonds. It took a moment for the little hero to respond this time, and he seemed slightly flustered. His cheeks certainly hadn’t had that pink tint a few seconds ago.

_I… was reading a romance novel._

“It must have been a good one.”

_Actually, it’s awful. So bad that I don’t want to talk about it._

“Then why bother keeping such drivel if you can’t even get a good rub out of it?”

\---

Link sputtered in shock, face reddening. Here he was, conversing with a _demon lord_ of all people, about a shitty romance novel he shouldn’t have even brought with him to the Surface, and the demon was judging him for not rubbing one out from the contents. The situation was beyond embarrassing, but the likelihood of bedding the beautiful fiend was steadily increasing. He held up his hands in attempt to answer a few times, but he just couldn’t steel himself to respond. At one point, he chanced a look at the pale man, only to see him smirking at his reaction.

“It can’t be _that_ bad if you have it with you,” he widened his smirk, “or maybe it’s so dreadful that you plan to use it for kindling, now that you’ve finished it? I think I’d like to see it for myself before you burn it.” Link paled dramatically when the demon snapped his fingers and disappeared into a flurry of diamonds. Link looked around himself, before finally checking the things he’d set aside earlier. The book was nowhere to be seen, but there was a sudden weight pressing into his back.

“’The Wind Beneath my Loftwing’? Oh, Skychild, this sounds _ridiculous._ ” Ghirahim was leaning against Link’s back as if he were a lounge chair, and simply snapped himself a few feet away when the young hero lurched out of the way. He frantically started signing.

_Give it back._

“Manners, Skychild, remember them.”

_...Please give it back._

“Better. But not good enough.”

_...Please return the book to me._

“Mm. No, I don’t think I will.” The demon lord tauntingly flipped to a page that had been dog-eared by the book’s actual owner. Naturally, it was the raunchiest sex scene in the entire book. Link huffed and made a grab for it, silently cursing the height difference between himself and Ghirahim when it was held just out of his reach.

“Why don’t you just use your sword? Using a weapon to retrieve something wrongfully taken from you is as natural as breathing.”

_I don’t want to damage the book! I’m borrowing it from a friend._

“Oh really? Well, if you want it back, you’ll have to come get it.”

Link gave the demon the harshest glare he could manage with embarrassment coloring his cheeks and practically climbed the other man. Ghirahim laughed at his efforts, snapping himself away when Link got close enough to reach the book, causing him to fall flat onto the floor. He found himself unable to get back to his feet, however, as the demon _actually_ started using him as a lounge chair, settling onto his back like it was a cushion. Link wiggled and squirmed and tried to push the pale fiend off of him, only succeeding in smacking one of the man’s long legs. He heard a sigh of annoyance and quickly found the offending arm useless, as a black dagger pinned his sleeve to the ground. It did little to stop his squirming.

“You are beginning to get on my nerves, boy,” growled the demon, “seats do not move on their own. If you cannot stay put, Skychild, I will _force_ you to.” Link turned his head as much as he could to send a glare at Ghirahim, but stubbornly continued struggling. He heard another growl, louder this time, and found his face pressed into the ground beneath him. The demon’s impossibly long tongue slipped out and brushed against his ear, stilling his movements.

“Cease your struggles, or I will take your pretty little body and turn the underwhelming scenes in this book into an overwhelming reality!”

Jackpot.

\---

The little hero _finally_ seemed to get the hint and froze beneath him. Ghirahim lifted his hand from the boy’s head and went back to reading. The only further motion from the human was simply to make himself more comfortable, moving his free arm underneath his head. A pity, as the little knight would have been fun to play with. The demon lord was only able to get a few lines further before the human’s shoulders started shaking erratically, and although his face was pressed hard into his arm, he appeared to be smiling.

Annoyed, Ghirahim stood from his seat on the human’s back and snapped the novel shut to observe. The boy didn’t bother to get up or pull his pinned arm free, and appeared to be gleefully choking on air. _Air._ The demon lord could think of much more _fun_ things for the little hero to choke on. It took a moment longer for him to realize that the boy was _laughing._ He scowled.

“And _what,_ Skychild, is so funny?” It took a little longer, but the human finally pulled himself into a sitting position, dislodging his arm and continuing to laugh silently. He began to move his hands shakily, as if he were speaking breathlessly.

_You just threatened to fuck me._

“I wouldn’t call it a threat.”

_Neither would I._

Oh? Fascinating. Ghirahim crossed his arms, studying the hero with consideration. The golden door on the other side of the room was still sealed with holy energy, and he wasn’t going to fool himself into thinking he could get through it unscathed. Yes, he should have time to take this little hero for the ride of his insignificant life. He snapped and appeared behind the now-standing human, draping his arms around the petite blond.

“You understand what you’re getting into, yes?”

_No idea. I have conditions, though._

“And what would those be?”

_I get to novelize it. And you can’t kill me until the book is done._

Ghirahim couldn’t help it. He laughed. Such simple demands, but they were doable. He wiped a mirthful tear away from his eye and smirked at the little hero standing before him.

“Fine, you can novelize it, but you’ll have to let me read it when you’re done. If you fail to portray my _perfect_ self well enough, I’ll end you before your little smut book is complete.”

_Deal._

Oh, this would be _fun._

**Author's Note:**

> I'm sorry for the fade-to-black, but I can't write smut to save my life. If anyone likes this enough to write some for it, though, go right ahead! At the very least, I hope I was able to cause a few laughs. I have a couple of other ideas, but I'm not sure if I'll ever get around to writing them.
> 
> Also, sorry if the title of the book (or book's characters) in this is part of another story, I swear it's not a jab. I was trying to think up a generic-sounding romance novel title for this world, and that's the first thing that came to mind.
> 
> Anyway! Thank you for reading, and see you next time (maybe)!


End file.
